Trying to see the blessing for the trees

We have been in New York for 2 1/2 years.  Basing our time here on Cameron's expected date of high school graduation as June 2016 we are exactly half way through our adventure here.  Time has flown by and stood stagnant all at the same time.

Fear not, I am not going to blither on about how blessed we have been or how I've grown from this experience (although both are true). In June during a period of feeling particularly overwhelmed I told Jeff and Cameron that if I had not found one job by December I would no doubt vote for a retreat back home to Colorado where the cost of living and employment opportunities would be more abundant.  Well... here it is and I am still working 65 hours per week between the two jobs to keep ourselves solvent. Somehow time has marched on and turning around seems almost impossible both financially and emotionally. 

In early October Jeff flew back to Colorado and emptied our storage locker into a U-Haul truck and drove it  back East.  Having our things (boxes of photos, china, children's keepsakes, camping equipment, etc.) tangible again has had a huge calming affect.  Instead of feeling like half of my life was across the country I have it at my fingertips.  Last weekend we drove to the locker in Connecticut and brought back our Christmas decorations to the apartment in the city.  It sounds small, but just having the family keepsakes with me makes me feel more grounded. 

Turkey retrieved from storage locker.



For two years Cameron has participated in our church's annual pie baking for a local charitable organization.  The first year she was invited by a friend and she told me about the wonderful community she had discovered, last year I was working at "un-named retailer" and I had to work, and this year I requested the time off and was finally able to participate in what is now our family church community.  Tonight as I rolled pie dough with both new and old friends I realized how far we'd come and yet still how far I needed to go to make our New York City dream a reality.
Looking back on some of my first blogs from the fall of 2011 and I see how far we have come.  Honestly that first Christmas here felt like such a failure.  Although we want to believe that the Christmas season is more than the buying and the bows, I'm afraid my experience confirmed that for me without the financial means to "do Christmas" I felt like I had not provided for my family. I've had two jobs since January 2012, so we have kept our heads above water and enjoyed a livable household income, but I am still working too many hours for me to be much more than an observer in Jeff and Cameron's life on the Upper West Side. 

On Thursday we will venture out into the fore casted wind and cold to see our third Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade just blocks away from our wonderful duplex apartment.  We have been invited to share a feast with friends in an amazing townhouse.  And we will wear new clothes and bring food and wine to share.  We are blessed.  We are the picture of the American dream and yet I feel it is still just out of my reach. 

Not sure what this says about me.