Applesauce and Mount Everest (Freshman Dorm Blues)

It's been a month since we took Cameron to college.  I tried to write a blog about it soon after, but I was too caught up in my own worries and fears and her frustrations to get a clear picture.  By the beginning of second semester I'm sure I will look back at this one month perspective and laugh, but here's the Allegheny update.

As we sat in  the dining hall on move-in weekend at Allegheny College I looked at Cameron across the table and could not fight back the tears.  It was more than just imagining driving away from my baby and leaving her at college, it was the end of an adventure that Jeff, Cameron and I had begun five years ago when we moved to New York City from Evergreen, Colorado.  It was never just my struggles that I was reflecting on in my blog, it was how life in New York affected all of us.  Now we were leaving Cameron to pursue her own adventures separate from us.  For the past eighteen years I felt like her experiences were my own, if only by association, but now we would be two different people living our lives eight hours away from each other connected by phone calls and text.

This past summer when Cameron was getting her college physical the doctor asked her where she was going to school, without hesitation and with a smile she replied, "Allegheny College in Meadville, Pennsylvania."  It was the first time that I had heard her answer that question without choking on the words.  It was not her first choice of schools, but ultimately she decided that she was interested in what the school had to offer.  It might have been easier to leave her if she had been thrilled to be there, but lukewarm made driving away all that much harder.

comfort food

On her first Thursday I spoke to Cameron at noon.  Her enthusiasm had fluctuated over the past four days from extreme highs to very low.  The night before I had called and she texted back that she could not talk because she was going hiking with friends.  She even sent a picture of a beautiful creek that they had discovered with a little flower emoji at the end of the sentence.  I figured at eleven o'clock the next day coming out of environmental science class she should be feeling pretty good. Wrong.  I tried to make light conversation to fill the dead cellphone air between us..  I asked how the food was.  Bad question.  I could hear her voice crack as she answered, "I'm certainly not going to gain the freshman fifteen because there is no food to eat.  All I have is coffee.  Mom, you know how I hate bees?  Well, this morning I was walking to class eating the applesauce that we bought at Wal-Mart and a swarm of bees attacked my cup. I had to throw my breakfast away." I was sure the only thing keeping her from falling to the ground in a heap was because she was in the middle of campus.  Of  course I'm not worried that she will starve, but I  imagined her frustration of not having the food that she is used to and the thought of long days ahead of cafeteria salad bars.  Then she asked, "Mom, they say you should only be homesick for a week, but I still feel so lonely."  I reminded her that it was only Thursday and I saw her on Sunday.  She sighed.



Positive Attitude 101

One of the things that she had been looking forward to at Allegheny was their Outdoor Club. Her first outing was a fifteen mile canoe trip down French Creek.  She said it was an amazing day, although fifteen miles is longer than you would think.  Bald Eagles circled overhead, and she and her partner whiled away the hours singing.  Great!  But wait.  A week later she made sure to get her name in for an overnight whitewater rafting trip.  I anxiously awaited her call after the weekend adventure.  When I asked her how it went she replied, "I could not have had a worse time." She explained that the group of kids that came on this trip were completely dismissive of the freshman and she was one of only two freshman on the trip."  My heart sank.  Then she added, "When I got back I was just going to stay in that night but some friends from the Edwards Dorm texted me and ask me to come over for tea and games.  I had the best night at college so far."

You are seeing how this is going.

I have been through this with my two older children so you would think that I would be ahead of the curb dealing with this, but as we all know, each child is different.  I told her that she had to make it through six weeks without coming home or us visiting.  It would be her Mount Everest. After that every month we would see her for some break or holiday.  We came up with a plan... she would create a sticky note pyramid on her wall.  Each day she would write something positive that happened on the note and stick it to the wall.  Day 19 would be the peak and the rest would be the slide down to fall break.  At the end of that week she read several of the notes to me.  She had kept her promise and written positive blurbs on each.  At the end of the second week I asked her to read me some more notes and she said, "Oh, yeah, I don't have time to keep those going anymore, but I'm good!".  I'd like to say that is the end of the story and the rest is cake, but any parent would know that that is a total lie.

She has a campus job working in the tech department for the theater and working in the Grounds for Change Coffee Shop, she says her classes are too easy, so she is planning on taking more challenging courses next semester (after Beacon High School college seems to be a breeze), she loves her roommate, and she has found a great group of friends with common interest and values.  All in all she is doing very well.  This morning she actually called me and I was the one having to tell her that I needed to get off the phone as she chirped away about a camping trip that she is planning for a stargazing expedition in the wilds of Pennsylvania this weekend. 

Remember when they were babies and we worried about when they would walk and how many words were in their two year old vocabulary?  Being the parent of a young adult is just as fraught with worries, but now all you can do is watch from afar and know in your heart that they have the tools to deal with both the good and the bad days.

A Five Year Plan in Review

Ironwood, Denver

This past weekend we were in Denver for Hunter's college graduation.  It has been five years since I was back home, give or take a week. It gave me cause to pause and review my life over the past five years in New York City and to see what we left behind without rose colored glasses in either direction. Hunter took us to an eclectic store on South Broadway in Denver called Ironwood and I found this ying/yang display of New York and Colorado.  I thought it was a perfect depiction of both places (I will always regret that I didn't buy that doll).

Snooze an AM Eatery

Hunter took us to RiNo in downtown Denver, and I must admit that Denver has achieved a very cool factor.  We had breakfast at Snooze and I think that a restaurant like that in New York City would be too expensive to really cater to anyone truly hip..Yet in Denver we were sampling pancake flights and morning cocktail concoctions with the coolest of the cool. Cameron loved that almost every restaurant we went to had meats from local, organic farms, which is more challenging to find and/or afford in New York City.

We drove up to Evergreen and it looked like time had stood still.  We walked around the lake and it felt like no time had passed at all.  I could imagine that we were just taking a family walk and headed to the lake house to play frizz bee as we had done so many times over the years.  As we walked towards Baskin Robins were heard a familiar voice yell Cameron's name out.  It was her dear friend, Otto Schloegel,   He had spotted us as he was driving around the lake with his mother, Rebecca.  We had made a pact that this was a strictly family weekend and none of us were allowed to meet up with old friends, so it was nice to see a friendly face from days gone by.

We went to Breckenridge as a mini vacation for all of us and stayed at our beloved Beaver Run Resort. As we rolled our bags across the lobby I told the kids to look small as I had made the reservation for two adults and three children under the age of 17.  At least I didn't say they were under the age of 12.

I love Breckenridge and when I occasionally buy a LOTTO ticket I always think that "when" I win I want to buy a condo there.  Although it's only an hour and a half from Evergreen it was a regular vacation spot for us, so it was wonderfully familiar to return to. But as comfortable as it was, there was not a sadness associated with not living there, more of a contentment in knowing that it was still there.

We walked over to the sledding hill in Breckenridge and a gentleman asked if we would like him to take our picture.  Hunter had had his fill of posing for pictures after his graduation, but it caught him off guard, so I quickly agreed and the man may have taken our Christmas photo for us. I sent the photo to two of my co-workers in New York who know me quite well, and yet I wondered when they looked at the photo if they felt like they were looking at someone they did not know at all.  In the photo we look just as I imagine we would have looked if we had never left Evergreen.  You would never know about my miserable job at Un-Named Retailer, the process to get into a good New York City public high school, rats, or the stress of securing a new apartment.

Today I was standing in the middle of Rockefeller Center outside of my office talking on the phone to my sister, Elizabeth, telling her about our wonderful trip to Colorado.  She pressed me about our moving back to Colorado.  I told her that we (Jeff, Cameron, and I) had discussed how nice everyone in Colorado was, (in particular service workers), how nice it was to have a car, and how magical large grocery stores were.  But Cameron added that she wanted to bring her kids up in Manhattan and I said that I loved the newness of every day on the streets of New York. Ultimately we decided that we are lucky to have had the opportunity to live in both worlds.  By the time Cam graduates from college she will have had thirteen years in Colorado and nine years in NYC.  We have four more years to decide where Jeff and I ultimately want to retire.  I have no idea what the next four years have in store for us.  The five years that are behind us had very little resemblance to what I had imagined they would have been.

So the five year plan that lays ahead of us, for now, is to finally relax into our lives in New York after a very steep learning curve, and to not take another five years to get back to a place that I will always call home, Colorado.

Flying with my Therapy Dog

I got back late last night from my weekend trip to Topeka, Kansas where our little dog, Oliver, was safely delivered to my brother, Clinton, to begin his new life in the country (well, the country in comparison to Manhattan). If you read my earlier blog "Washer/Dryer or Fido" you will know that this trip is the end of the saga.

The reason we had to get rid of Oliver was due to his barking, and in our brownstone where he can hear movement, buzzers, and other dogs in the courtyard he was constantly on the alert and manically guarding his territory by yapping. As hard as it was to give him away, this was not a battle that could have been won with a citronella collar or behavioral training.  Oliver is a terrier and is instinctually on guard. 

I had seen an expose' on The Today Show about taking dogs on airlines as therapy dogs, not only avoiding the pet ticket of $120.00, but also offering the freedom of taking the dog out of the crate in the airport and on the plane.  I decided that I would try it myself, and worse case scenario I would have to pay the fare at the boarding counter. The trick for this mission was to have a dog that was calm enough to fly as a therapy dog.  Considering that we were taking him to Kansas due to his high strung nature made the task somewhat daunting.



Two hours after being given a sedative.

I went out to PetMed.com and ordered a herbal supplement that is supposed to have a calming affect on dogs.  We gave the prescribed dose.  It was as if we had not given him anything.  Upon further research the manufacture suggested doubling the dose in case of high stress.  Oliver was still unfazed.  I then researched Benadryl for dogs.  I followed the directions from several online forums and gave him the prescribed dosage.  In this case it actually had the opposite affect.  Instead of putting him to sleep he actually became more hyper.  I had had a similar experience once before when my son Hunter was two years old and I gave him Benadryl for a cold.  He became very awake and agitated, so I knew better than to try a large dose.  I then looked in my own medicine cabinet and looked up the affects of Xanax on dogs.  It is widely prescribed for anxiety in dogs, particularly separation anxiety.  He was seemingly untouched, although Cameron said that he slept like a log that night. Although he was alert I thought I'd test reactiveness by ringing the buzzer to our apartment.  Well, he did his usual dance of running back and forth through the apartment barking as ferociously as possible. So much for the Xanax. 

I headed to the airport with a therapy vest that I got online, the herbal calming supplement (more for my peace of mind than any real belief that it worked), my boarding pass noting that I would be accompanied by a service dog, and a prayer.


Oliver obviously not going to sleep.

The flight that I had booked was Economy Class and I was not able to reserve a seat until check in.  I was worried that I would end up in a middle seat without enough room for his carrier.  I called the airline and told them I would be traveling with a service dog and I wanted to make sure I had adequate room.  The agent booked my seat for me and upgraded me to Economy Plus so that I would have adequate room. The Golden Ticket was that she noted on the boarding pass that I was traveling with a therapy dog, which eased my fear of being called out by TSA for traveling with a dog without a ticket. 



Plenty of leg room in Economy Plus



No problems with TSA security

Oliver has never bitten anyone, but the TSA line can be long and crowded, and boarding the plane can be a crush of people, so I was worried that Oliver might become irritated.  I kept him in his carrier until I had to take him out to walk through the metal detector.  We got through just fine (no alarms went off), but as I stood waiting to be ushered forward to retrieve my bag a male TSA worker was standing very close to me and said, "Oh, what a cute dog."  I thought he was going to reach out and pet him, but I was able to smile and turn away before the guy could reach his hand out.  I had made friends with a lady in line and I asked her to take my picture after we cleared security.

When I boarded the plane I kept him in his carrier and stowed him under the seat.  He never even pretended to sleep so half way through the flight I opened his case.  The young woman next to me must have noticed his therapy vest and said, "Don't worry, the Captain is my boyfriend and he'll get us to Kansas City safely."  For a moment I wondered why she was telling me that, but then I remembered my pretext of having the dog with me. The last hour of the flight I took Oliver out and let him look out the window and sit on my lap.  If the young woman had not also gotten out her phone and shown me pictures of her dog (in bed with her and the Captain - LOL!) I might not have been so bold, but since I knew she liked dogs I wasn't worried that would say anything.  I was also sitting in 4A which is the seat directly behind First Class so both the First Class and the Economy flight attendance were aware that I had the dog out of his crate.  No one said anything.

Clinton and Oliver relaxing.
 

My mom and my sister picked me up at the airport and we headed to Clinton's house.  After our weekend stay Elizabeth and I said that his house was like a zen retreat.  Oliver never barked.  He was in heaven chasing wild bunnies in the yard and looking through the shrubs at the dogs in the yards next door.  It was hard to leave the little fellow behind, but I know that he is stress free and happy in Kansas. 


On the Downhill Side of the College Process

Beacon High School College Acceptance Board

  A couple of years ago I remember hearing a parent say that they had toured ten college campuses in the northeast.  I had thought that sounded excessive and expensive.  And last April I remember a member of our church who, at the time, was a senior in high school, standing up to proudly tell the congregation what college she had decided on, and I was surprised that it was the end of April and she was just now making that major life decision.  Well, it's April 20th and just last night I had a tearful conversation with Cameron about driving up to yet another college campus this weekend (it would be tour #10) to check it out before she has to make her final decision on May 1st.

  Out of the nine schools that we looked at three made the top tier cut.  Two of them she was not accepted to.  They were reach schools and the results were not unexpected, but not getting in was disappointing non-the-less.  The third school, Dickinson College, was a target school and she got in!  It met every criteria she had and more.  They have a strong environmental science program, they have a college farm that produces produce for the campus cafeterias, there is a green sustainable living house as a housing option, there is a mermaid on their bell tower, it is an adorable little town three hours from New York City, and there is a notorious haunted building on campus!  What's not to love?  Well, the answer is "the price tag".  The cost, when all is said and done is $66,000 per year (yes, per year).

  Let me back up a little bit.  For anyone of you who have followed our highs and lows in New York over the last five years you know that we have gone through some difficult financial times. It's taken five years, but Jeff and I have finally found our footing with good jobs that pay New York City wages.  New York City wages pay for New York City rents, transportation, taxes, etc..., but it really evens out to a middle class life outside of the city.  By no means are we part of the 1%.  But that's not what the FAFA looks at, and as far as the Feds are concerned we earn enough to pay our expected parent contribution of $53,000 per year of her college. The absurdity of that is not lost on Jeff and me.

  Dickinson gave her enough to cover the gap between the $66,000 and the $53,000 we would need to pay.  We don't have the money, nor can we take out, $212,000 in Parent Plus loans for her to get a liberal arts education at a elite Pennsylvania college.

  In defense of the school they are very open about NOT being a need blind school. When it comes to financing they are not "warm and fuzzy".  They are cut and dry about either you can afford it or you can't.  We had thought that Cameron's grades and extracurricular activities would provide a basis for a better scholarship package, but even their best package would only bring it down to $41,000 per year. We appealed with more financial information and a letter from an esteemed alumni but to no avail.

  So how do you tell a student who has worked so hard to make straight A's for four years that all of her hard work has not paid off?  So close and yet not enough.

  Two private liberal arts schools, one in Pennsylvania and on in Massachusetts, came through with very good scholarships, and she has the option of going to two competitive New York State universities, but they all pale in comparison to her top three for various reasons.  She accepted one of the private schools and even went online and ordered the school sweatshirt.  But I know that her heart is beyond disappointed, and my heart is broken for her. 

  I am keenly aware that these are first world, privileged problems.  But as a parent I'm wondering if my sister was right and we drank the northeastern college Kool-Aid looking at these boutique, elite schools when we should have kept her feet firmly planted on the ground looking at state schools that we could afford out of pocket instead of pinning our hopes on elusive merit scholarships with no chance of any "need based' support.

Feast or Famine Why I Stay in NYC

  Jeff and I were having a slice of pizza on Saturday while Cameron was getting her haircut in the salon next door.  We were trying to decide what to do on this beautiful afternoon.  Jeff came up with some ideas that were good but, expensive.  Per usual I had to be the one to remind him that we did not have any money for costly amusements.  He then proceeded to go into his usual tirade about "what's the point of living in New York City if we can't afford to do anything?"
 For the rest of the day I thought about our conversation.  I had not been able to explain to him why I was clinging to a life in Manhattan.  In fact the cost (both financial and personal) of living here is astronomical.  A subway or bus ride is $2.75, the average rent for a two bedroom/900 sq. foot apartment is $3,000 per month, and paying $14.00 for a hamburger (without fries) at a casual restaurant is the norm. Traffic congestion, delays in subway transportation, crush of pedestrians on sidewalks, crappy landlords, and ear piercing sirens and honking horns fray your nerves. We've been here four and a half years and after Cameron graduates from high school in June we are technically free to leave.  Where we'd go would be whole different blog, but there will be nothing actually tethering us.  Yet last week I was talking to a co-worker touting how lucky we are to work for such a wonderful company and she said, "You'll stay with the company until you retire, won't you."  I shook my head yes without hesitation.  I do see myself leaving New York some day to ultimately move back to our beloved Colorado, but for now, there is something that, despite everything, keeps me here. 


  After church Jeff and I were walking on the Upper West Side heading home.  It was an unseasonably warm day with just enough of a bite in the air to keep everyone dressed (New Yorker's are better looking dressed than undressed).  I decided to pull my cell phone out and snap some pictures of things that I love about New York. 

  Jeff took issue with the Murray's Sturgeon Shop.  He asked if I'd ever been in the store, and I said that I had not, but... if I wanted sturgeon I know where to find it.  As chain stores run the local merchant out of business more and more it's quaint and comforting to know that Murray's is holding his ground.

  We were trying to decide where to have lunch to avoid the $14 hamburger, but we did not want the obvious "slice of pizza" option.  I had seen Broadway Restaurant listed on Best Diners in NYC in TimeOut Magazine, and even though it's only a few blocks from our apartment we'd never been, so we headed uptown. Now diner's are not unique to New York and I would guess that the best are nowhere near a city, but there is something very comforting about New York's Greek diners.  It's not the food that you go for.  It's the endless refills on the coffee, the waitress with limited English, and the variety of food that they serve from pancakes to gyros, and spaghetti to moussaka.


  With all of the ongoing unrest you might think that living in a city with such extreme religious diversity might be stressful, but in fact I find it fascinating.  Honestly, before moving here I wasn't even aware of certain sects of Catholicism and Judaism .  And the amazing architecture of many of these institutions is awe inspiring. I ride the subway with people who wear their religion on their sleeves, for lack of a better term, and I have NEVER seen anyone show disrespect to another person due to their religion. I will admit that I tend to stare, but it's only because I'm curious about the clothes and what goes on in the mind of a person who is so devoted to their religion that in one of the most modern cities in the world they would cling to such old world traditions.

   Finally we ended up in Central Park, only half a block from our apartment.  For twenty two years I had a yard and I will tell you that keeping a tidy lawn is not something that I ever found pleasure in, so there is never a time when I'm in the park that I don't appreciate how lucky I am to have such an amazing green space in my own backyard.
 

Washer/Dryer or Fido

  Before we signed the lease on our new apartment we asked our new landlord if there was a washer/dryer in the building.  He said that he has one in his unit, but it's for his private use only.  The nearest laundromat is seven blocks away, and I've come too far to be pushing a granny cart with my laundry in it around the neighborhood.  In our kitchen there is an obvious place for a stackable washer/dry complete with outlets and dryer vent.  What was missing was the correct water hookup, so some minor plumbing under the sink would need to be added to accommodate the washing machine. The owner, Noah, was less than enthusiastic about the idea, but he agreed as long as we had renters insurance to cover any water damage, bought our own machine, and had the work done by an "approved plumber".  That last one was the catch.

  Let me add that he did not want a dog in the apartment. We told him that in fact we have a small terrier.  He reluctantly agreed and the dog was added to the lease.

  Initially Noah said that he wanted us to use the plumber he was using for the renovation on his apartment, and the price he quoted was $1,000 for the work.  Our realtor said that he had a guy that his company recommended who could do the work for $300.  Noah agreed to the plumber and asked that the realtor pay for the installation. Our realtor seeing all of his hard work going "down the drain" so to speak, over the installation of a washer/dryer agreed to cover the cost.

  We moved in a week later.  A week after that we bought the washer and dryer.  We scheduled our plumber.  He came and said that he needed access to the water main, which is in the basement, which we don't have access to, and the owner's are not living in their unit during the renovation. So we had to reschedule.  I am now on week two of dragging my laundry to the laundrymat with a perfectly good washer/dryer sitting in my kitchen unplugged.  Noah agreed to schedule some time in conjunction with the plumber to make the water main available, but first he wanted the plumbers contracting license and insurance, as well as a drawn out plan for the work.  Remember, the landlord agreed to the plumber at the signing of the lease, now, two weeks later he is asking for a extensive documentation to get the work completed.  The plumber that our realtor referred to us was doing this as a side job.  He works for a large condo building and works under their umbrella for insurance and contracting.  He does not have an independent contractor's license or he would be charging $1,000.  Our realtor had been amazing in getting us out of our former lease so we contacted him to see if he could negotiate this situation.  He contacted the landlord's agent and came back to us with a strange response. 


  "He hates your dog," our realtor relayed to us. What? What does my dog have to do with installing our washer and dryer?  Come to find out the landlord really did not have an issue with us installing our washer/dry, but he was having lease signing remorse about allowing our small dog in the building.

  I am a dog person, but I totally understand that little yap dogs can drive a person crazy.  Come to find out that during the day while we are at work our little terrier, Oliver, is spending his day barking at the workers downstairs, at the delivery person for our upstairs neighbor's Meals on Wheels, and any other person(s) entering the brownstone. If we had been informed of this we would have worked out a solution immediately.  We never intended to sign a dog onto the lease at the expense of the other tenants. 

  Long and short of it is that we are sending our little Oliver to live with my brother in Kansas where the poor little mite can avoid the stress of living among so many voices outside of his front door. And my washer and dryer are now installed.  Jeff, Cameron and I did a house cleansing with incense, music and candles to try to calm the negative energy in the building. Hopefully we can all begin to live in harmony, except for poor little Oliver who's adventure is just beginning.  

Little Paris in Manhattan

  With Cameron going off to college next fall Jeff and I were determined to move into a new apartment this Spring.  Our lease was not up until June 1st, but we decided to start looking in February to get a sense of what was on the market in our price range. We went to an open house and although the apartment wasn't right for us the realtor had some ideas about getting us out of our lease early.  We told him that we don't have to move, we actually have a good rent for the size of our apartment, and our dream location is the tony Riverside Drive which I nicknamed "Little Paris". He took on the challenge.

  Our landlord on Manhattan Avenue is  huge corporation that has about 30 properties in the Columbia University area.  They are very impersonal and certainly are not quick to respond unless there is water leaking through the ceiling.  I don't know how many times I called in regards to rodent issues only to be ignored or to be told to put out mouse traps.  So with that said I had very little faith that they would be willing to let us out of our lease early. The only thing that we had on our side was that since the owner's bought the building two years ago they have been flipping the apartment and doubling the rent, and they could certainly take our outdated apartment, flip it and get almost a thousand dollars more a month in rent. Craig, our realtor, suggested that we list our apartment as a "lease break" and get tenants in for the remaining three months of our lease, but since I knew for certain that he owner's would be renovating the apartment and charging a thousand dollars more a month I knew that was not a reasonable option. Plus I did not want to be responsible for the sublet. Craig then said that he had contacts with our landlord and he thought they would let us out early, so that they could renovate the apartment before the busy rental season began in the summer. So there was all this conversation about getting us out of our apartment, but Craig had not shown us any rental options that were making me want to give up my current place. I was feeling rushed out my apartment so that he could rent it and obtain the fee, pushing me into an undesirable rental that he would also collect the fee on.  I hated to be cynical, but that's how it felt.

  I was out of town one weekend with Cameron and Jeff was calling me with rental options that Craig was showing him.  They were either over budget or not in the area of the city that I wanted to live. I know that you can get an amazing place in Harlem, but I DON"T want to live in Harlem. I was beginning to feel panicked.  I got home on a Sunday night and on Monday evening Craig had an apartment he wanted us to see. He had viewed the place during the day and was certain that he had found our dream apartment on 101st Street half a block from my dream location of Riverside Drive. It was $100 over budget and I was already feeling squeezed by the budget we had given him, but we agreed to see it.  There was nothing not to love.  It's the second floor of a brownstone with original parquet floors, crown molding, a bay window, and a deck!  Needless to say we told Craig to put our bid in and asked for a two year lease to neutralize the extra rent over time.

  Now mind you,. it's March and we still have three months on our current lease.  It was like taking a bridge loan. All the while our realtor is telling us that he can get us out of our lease early.  We get all of our paperwork together and submit our application with sheer blind faith that things will fall into place. Our lease was accepted on a Thursday and we moved on Tuesday. Craig made some magical calls and told me that our former rental company had agreed to us leaving two and a half months early. I gave one week's notice to our landlords that we were moving.  Again, all I have is my realtor telling me it was all good. On the day before we moved I got a return email from the landlord's secretary asking me for our forwarding address so that they could send us our security deposit back.  On the morning of our move the actual owner of the building, Jimmy, stopped by to take a look at the apartment that he would soon be renovating.  I told him that we would paint Cameron's room back to the original white and he said not to bother because the apartment would be gut renovated. He said do a "broom cleaning" and leave the rest because everything would be torn out anyway.  When I sent the secretary my forwarding address I dared to ask for the remaining two weeks of March rent that I had already paid be returned to us.  I had my deposit and the prorated rent at the end of the week.  I still don't know what happened.  The stars aligned.  I could feel it happening, but it wasn't until it had all passed that I allowed myself to believe it.

  Some information on moving in New York City:  We tried to move last year by looking for a "no fee" apartment, but we couldn't find anything decent. All the really good places hire rental brokers to vet their renters and the brokers charge the renters a fee. The fee is normally 10% of the year. Then there is the first month and security.  To move a two bedroom, 1,100 sq. foot apartment cost $1,500, which considered the two flights of stairs in the brownstone.  We certainly had more boxes than was in the original moving estimate but the moving company foreman told me that if we added extra to the tip he would take the extra boxes and clothes.  So add on 25% tip for the movers. By the time we were done we barely had two nickels to rub together, but we are in!  And we can save on dining out by eating on our lovely new deck!

Trick or Treating in Manhattan

  I was talking to my sister who lives in Louisburg, KS near  Kansas City yesterday and she asked what Halloween is like in New York.  I said it was really like anywhere else in the country with hoards of little kids running from door to door threatening and begging for candy.  She questioned letting children take candy from complete strangers and walking the streets after dark.  I promised her that the people handing out candy were not "strangers" and that the streets were probably better lit and more populated than the streets her kids would be walking down.  I set out with my camera on Saturday to capture some images of Halloween in my neighborhood to better explain to her and myself what it's like to trick or treat in the mean city.
 
  Coming from Evergreen, CO where in many areas the houses are too spread out to trick or treat in your own neighborhood families often go over to friends houses and launch their kids in neighborhoods where the houses are closer together.  In New York there is no need to search for dense areas of housing. In some of the larger apartment buildings families sign up with the doorman to let tenants with children know who will be home and handing out candy.  For these lucky kids they need go no further than their high rise building. That is not to say that high rises exclusively cater to their own tenant's children. Doormen at large building often dress up and act as the official greeter handing out buckets upon buckets of candy.  And it's not the cheap crap either.  Cameron and I were out early taking photos and we had one doorman dressed as something a kin to a swamp monster call us to the door to take some of the goodies while he waited for the trick-or-treaters to  head his way.

  Several streets particularly down in the West 60's, 70's, and 80's have streets with lots of stoops.  Some of the tenants go to great measure to out do each other with decorations and costumes for passing out candy.  West 69th Street Block Association blocks off the street and offers games, a bouncy house, craft tables and rummage sales, but be prepared for crowds.

                 So back to the question of safety.  How does a parent know if the candy their children are receiving is safe?  Well, they don't. The best a parent can do is chaperone their child and observe the treats they are being offered and who is offering them.  New York is a big, dangerous city, like any city, but it's also a city comprised of neighborhoods full of good people, families, seniors, and singles who all want to help in providing our community with a safe Halloween experience.  In some ways I think it's more festive and well attended than many other more rural places in the United States.

Drinking the Kollege Kool-Aid

  I was thinking of writing this blog after Cameron's college process is over, but then I realized that what I want to write about is the insanity of the college search and if I wait for a result my madness may have subsided. 
  
  Let me clarify that this is my personal experience and in fact it might be something many families are going through all over the country, but I DID NOT go though this with Hunter and Jordan when we lived in Colorado, so for me it feels like a uniquely Eastern experience.  My sister, Elizabeth, lives in Kansas. One day I was talking to her on the phone waxing on about finding the right school for Cameron and worrying about whether she would get in and if she did how we would afford the hefty, average annual cost of approx. $65,000.  She stopped me mid rant and told me that I had obviously drunk the East Coast College Kool-Aid and that I needed a reality check.  She assured me that Cam would get into any college she applied to, but that going to a an ivy league school or one with a similar price tag offered no certainty of future career success or personal happiness.  I tried to explain that at her particular high school in New York City applying to private liberal arts schools was the norm and expected of someone like Cameron with excellent grades and academic drive.


Checking out Harvard

  We started "touring" colleges last April on Cameron's spring break.  We looked at Bowdion College and Colby College in Maine, University of Boston, and Trinity College in Connecticut.  All four schools were amazing with beautiful historic campuses that resembled Hogwarts and curriculum's that would make any academically drive student's mouth water.  Cameron was ready to sign up to any and all of them, although Colby stuck out as the winner with it's majestic presence on Mayflower Hill. New to the college tour circuit we were eager hear all of the college admissions officers talk about their school's special features and winning student bodies.  Financial aid was sort of put on the back end of the tour when a few parents dared to ask the admissions person about financial aid packages, but for the most part we were all starry eyed and figured the gory details of affording the school would come later.  Why shouldn't a parent encourage their child to aim for the best education they could possibly obtain? 


Feeling at home at Dickinson

  In August we did our second leg of tours hitting four schools in Pennsylvania.  Dickinson College was a wild card, but we would be driving through Carlisle, PA and they have an environmental science program (Cam's major), so we decided to put it on the list.  Cameron fell in love with everything about the school: the campus, the science program, the Red Devil mascot, the strong environmental sustainability program the school is dedicated to, the school farm that helps supply the cafeteria, etc.. It seemed to be the whole package.  At the end of the tour Cameron and I looked at each other and got misty eyed.  This school was IT! 

  The problem with finding "it" at a selective, private, liberal arts college is that you don't just sign up and get in.  Cameron is in a very competitive position with her grades and activity resume, but sometimes you just don't fit the slots they have open or sometimes the $$$$$ (or lack there of) gets in the way.  Statistics tell us that a person with a bachelor's degree makes $1,000,000 over their lifetime more than a person without a degree, so with that in mind a student loan debt of $100,000 is only 10% of that additional earnings, but trying to pay off a $100,000 loan over ten years in your twenties and early thirties can be crippling, and I don't think a lot of college bound kids have the maturity to understand what that really looks like.  So are those magical liberal arts colleges really just for the rich?

  As we have compiled Cameron's list of schools that she will apply to she has kept Colby, Dickinson, and Bowdoin on the top.  She added other's that she said she would go to "if she had to", but there really were no "safety school" (defined as academically sure things that we could afford with manageable student loans).  Last Friday night before she was scheduled for the SAT on Saturday morning she said that her college advisor had told her that she needed to go to the College Board website and put down the names of the colleges that she wants her test results sent to.  This was it!  We had to have a solid and final list of schools.  She put down her top 3.  I said, "and...?" She looked at me defiantly.  I named three others that she had said that she agreed to.  She shrugged and added them.  Then I said, "So what about SUNY (State University of New York) schools?"  She was non responsive.  I named two state schools that offered her major, both had smaller student bodies giving the campus a more personal feel, are located in small college towns, and that according to the cost calculator are affordable with do-able student loans.  She sniped, "Why do you even know about these schools?"  I wanted to strangle her, and quipped back, "Why DON'T you?"  Silence.  I named the schools again and she typed the names into her profile.  Ugh...Ok, so now we had the list heavy on reach schools, but with enough safety schools that I felt vindicated.

  Last night was Beacon High School's Senior Parent Night.  There were eight speakers covering a variety of subjects. Jeff and I split up between the speakers to divide and conquer.  For the most part I didn't learn anything new, but, as I told Cameron, at least I feel confident that I'm gathering as much information as possible to help her succeed in this maze of information.  After almost two hours of listening to the same old rhetoric one speaker said something that I had heard over and over again on our tours, but that never rang true to me.  He said that the average student leaves a small liberal arts school on the East Coast with a student loan debt of $30,000.   I AM the middle class, so I had to question that number.  Every cost calculator I had used put our family contribution at approximately $30,000 per year, which is a very different number than $30,000 for all four years combined. I raised my hand and posed my question.  He stumbled for a moment and then explained, "Well, yes, the $30,000 of student loan debt would be part of the financial package that the school offers your child.  The remaining amount would be the parent's portion to be paid from their wages, Parent Plus loans, outside scholarships, and private loans."  So there it was, the truth at last.  Telling students that they can leave college with only $30,000 in loans after attending a private liberal arts college or an Ivy League school is an untruth.  That money does not just materialize.  Someone has to come up with that gap money.  Of course, many people have the funds to do that, but many more do not. 

  As I said at the beginning of my blog, I don't know what our results will be.  We don't know what schools Cam will get into.  We don't know if the ones that she does get into will try to woo her with enough money to make it affordable, or if we will end up at a state school.  No matter what, I am certain that Cameron WILL go to college and she WILL be very successful, because she is smart and determined, but this experience has certainly left me feeling jaded.  A student that has straight A's and a volunteer resume that would make Mother Theresa proud should not have to worry about "getting in" and certainly not have to worry about whether or not all their hard work is for naught if they can't afford to go to the schools that they do reach for. 

  Needless to say I will keep you posted.  Hard talks and ringing of hands are sure to lie ahead.

New Beginnings (at last)

  A month ago I was working on the power of positive thinking.  I had a second interview at an investment firm and I was sure that this was "my job".  When I got the email from the office manager saying that they had decided to go with a different candidate I was devastated.

  I let myself have a day or two to have a good cry then I got back to Craig's List and to my contacts.  A friend gave me an introduction to a recruiter in the New York City office of her firm. I had a wonderful interview and although they were still interviewing I really felt that I had a good chance of being offered a position.  While I was waiting for a call back a recruiter that I had met with several months ago gave me a call and told me that she had an interview for me to go on.

  She said the job was a temp to perm position and they needed someone to start on Monday (this was on a Wednesday).  Well, I had no interest in being a temp and as much as I dislike "un-named retailer" I could not in all good conscientious leave without giving notice. But I had not actually received an offer from the job I had recently interviewed with, so I was not in a position to turn my back on any opportunity.  I tried to stay mindful and prayerful and asked that if this was going to be the right job for me that all of my wish list must be met.  My list included,  1) location - midtown Manhattan, 2) enough money for us to finally enjoy life in one of the most expensive city in the world, 3) respectful and friendly work environment, 4) reasonable daytime hours, 5) a job requiring the skills I have and not the skills I wish I had, 6) and finally a company that does not have a problem with my "older worker" status.

  When the employment agency gave me the address I was thrilled to see 30 Rockefeller Center.  I could not dream of a more mid-town address.  She also sent me the estimated salary which was well above my wildest dreams. During the interview the receptionist who is being promoted into another position told me that average employee has been with the company for five years.  She herself has been there for seven years (and at age 55 was being promoted to work for a managing partner).  I asked about the temp to hire situation and they said that they do not just call an agency and hope that any temp that shows up works out.  They interview the candidate and bring them on with all intents of bringing them on as permanent employees. When they asked me when I could start I told them I would not be able to start for another ten days. As I was walking out the current receptionist said that she was so glad that I had said I was not available for another week because she herself was not ready for the transition until after the 4th of July holiday.  They asked me to start on July 7th.   I accepted.

  As I was leaving the building looking up at the famous Rockefeller Center landmarks I literally had to pinch myself.  A line from the Rogers and Hammerstein "Cinderella" came to mind.  "Can this be real?  Or am I in a dream?"  It was everything I had dreamed of.  There was even the added perk of a television in the reception area tuned into CNN (I'm a t.v. junkie). 

  So I gave my notice at "un-named retailer".   I burned through and did what I needed to do to leave on good terms.  Don't worry, I have a book in the works to detail my 2 1/2 year journey from beginning to end with all the highs and many, many lows of my retail experience.

  Today I got up and put on a pretty dress and a pair of heels and headed off to work. 

  There is really not a lot to say about the day.  I scheduled conference rooms, answered phones, and sorted mail.  I looked down on the skating rink at Rockefeller Center and looked out to the south on the Empire State Building.  I spoke to friendly, professional people, and began and ended my day during civilized daytime hours. When I got home Jeff said that I seemed depressed.  I am not depressed or disappointed,  After years of racing at "un-named retailors" to keep up with an endless pace for a thankless management team I think I'm stunned.  Stunned but thankful.

Don't Push People or Touch Their Cars

I know I recently wrote a blog about sidewalk congestion, so I hate to get stuck on a point, but today I pushed a tourist in the morning and I almost got beat up at noon causing me to step back and take a look at my own "road rage".

Most of the revolving doors in New York City that are in hotels are automated so that they revolve on a motion detector.  When you step in they start to move.  But the majority of revolving door in all of the other thousands of buildings in New York City (and the world) revolve the old fashioned way by you actually having to push the door. Every day I see tourist walking into these doorways and minimally pushing the door forward.  If you watch them they get about as far as halfway through and stop so that they are caged in the doorway standing frozen waiting for the door to revolve.  I work across the plaza from the Today Show, so my day begins with cheering fans making their way from the subway and area hotels towards the shows audience pen.  I understand that they don't know the area and are confused by the Rockefeller Center complex with eight very similar looking buildings, but when they emerge from the subway and need to proceed from the building onto the city sidewalk watching their confusion as they try to pass through a revolving door is almost mind boggling.  Today I was in a rush.  I saw three woman (all wearing matching bright orange t-shirts) heading towards the same revolving door that I needed to use.  The first woman pushed the door slowly and proceeded, the second woman got through on the momentum from the first woman, but the third woman was trapped in the door.  I honestly did not realize that she had stopped mid turn until I gave the door a good push and she went flying forward as the door hit her in the back.  She was not hurt, but she was startled.  She went stumbling out and she and her friends burst into laughter.  At least they had a sense of humor about her not knowing how to work a revolving door and the fact that it was my push that sent her flying.

You CANNOT speed through a crosswalk!

The second incident was my fault.  And if I had seen Jeff do what I did I would have given him an earful.  At lunch time I was 49th and Avenue of the Americas (6th Avenue).  The walk sign lit up white and the throngs began to walk through the crosswalk.  A dark blue SUV turned the corner from coming uptown on Avenue of the Americas onto 49th Street.  Anyone knows that a car turning onto a cross street at that time of day may have to wait until their green light is almost red again before there is a break in pedestrian traffic to make the turn.  This woman barreled through and almost ran over some people.  I was literally face to face with her when she plowed into the crowd.  I knocked on her car window and yelled something at her (I honestly don't remember what because I was so startled by her driving).  She glanced at me and proceeded forward.  She had barely proceeded a quarter of the way down the block before she stopped her vehicle practically in the middle of the road and got out.  I was walking down the sidewalk by this time, but I had glanced back.  Then I saw her standing on the corner scouring the crowds in my direction. I realized that she was looking for the crazy woman that had deigned to knock on her car window.  I know better than to touch a person or their car in New York City.  In a town where we rub shoulders daily on the subways, in elevators, and in shops the unwritten rule is that you never purposely touch a person or their belongings with your hands. I had just reacted spontaneously and now a nut was out of her car looking to hunt me down to seek revenge for me knocking on her car window.

I ducked into a bank for safety.  I've seen one too many iPhone videos on the news where the crowd watches someone being beat up and no one intervenes, and I had no interest in being a You Tube sensation.  I figured if I was in bank the security officer would be obliged to break up the attack and their would be security cameras to capture the woman's image for her arrest. After a few minutes I lost track of the woman in the crowd, but her car stayed in the street for about three minutes from the time she stopped in her madness.  I was safe, but shaken.

Lessens learned.  Unless I want to knock a tourist off of her Sketchers I need to push revolving doors with care, and NEVER touch anyone's car. I tell myself that I can handle the masses and the every day pressures of living on an island with 8,000,000 people, but I must admit there are days when it gets to me. 

The Homecoming

  We left Colorado two and half years ago, leaving the home that the five of us lived in for 11 years.  As much as we all look back on our beloved home on South Pine Road in Evergreen we have all come to appreciate that home is were the family is and not the physical address that we reside.

  Both Hunter and Jordan flew from their lives in Colorado and Japan to spend Christmas with us in New York City.  It has taken several years to feel like I have truly nested into our new lives here.  But for them coming home is more than just being at a physical address it means coming back to the safety and familiarity of "home". Everyone's family has a certain feel, smell, and flavor.  When you go home you know the smell of the towels and you can expect the classic foods in your refrigerator/cabinet.  For weeks before the kids arrived Cameron and I would be shopping and I'd grab something off the store shelf and say, "Oh, I have to get these for Hunter" or " Jordan will want me to have those.  She loves them."  They may have never bought Sunshine Snack Mix or Queen Anne's Chocolate Covered Cherries for themselves, but you feel compelled to make sure those flavors of the past are available to them when they visit.  As I'm buying all this junk food for Jordan and Hunter, Cameron is asking me why I'm buying all this crap for them but she never gets any treats.  Of course, she can't understand that six years from now when she is visiting from college I will be sure to have Nutella in the cabinet although she may be long past that teenage food fad. 

  Jeff and I have a queen sized bed in our bedroom, Cam has a twin, and we have fold-out queen in the living room.  Between the five of us we had rotating sleeping arrangements.  Jordan being the only person who does not have a regular bed (she sleeps on a futon in Japan) had less fold-out couch time than anyone else during her 10 day visit. The one (and maybe only) desirable thing about the fold out couch was the memory lane bedding, including the Toy Story and Lion King pillow cases, flannel elk patterned sheets, and the Olsen Twins comforter from Wal-Mart circa 2000.  There is something humbling and comforting about sleeping on childhood bedding.

  So the kids are home and snuggled in.  And now we all regress.

  One afternoon after I got off of work I met the kids down on 5th Avenue and 42nd Street.  Hunter had never been to the New York City Central Public Library so we went in for a bathroom break and a photo shoot.  When we were out front taking photos of the lions Hunter framed a photo and said to me, "Ok, Mom, stand here and shoot when I say when."  Before I knew it Hunter had nimbly scaled the lion and was sitting on his back.  You have to understand that as a mother what I see is not a great photo op, but instead a missed step that sends my baby plummeting to the concrete below or the sound of a cop's whistle calling him down to issue a ticket for trespassing.  Thank god none of that happened and it was a great shot (see below).  But in that minute of taking the photo I am no longer the mother of a 22 year old man, but instead I regress to the mother of a 14 year old boy who is climbing to the top of a 50 foot pine tree in the backyard and wants me to take a photo of him, which I oblige just to get him to come down.

  Cameron is a wonderfully self-assured and accomplished high school girl.  But after a day running around the city with Jordan and Hunter she was a puddle of tears telling me that they didn't pay any attention to her and disregarded her knowledge of the city. Jordan and Hunter are both well traveled but no one knows the city like Camie, but they negated that with her little sister status.

  Jordan is sunshine and light, except.... for a secret side of her personality that Hunter and Cam call "Sheila".  Forget that Jordan has graduated from college and now lives in Japan.  She can't resist being the big sis.  She has an opinion on who's turn it is to do the dishes, spending Mom and Dad's money, who's turn it is to walk the dog, and which subway line is the safest way to their destination. 

  My children have all grown up to be so self-sufficient and responsible, yet somehow when they are sleeping under my roof I have the need to know where they are, where they are going, what time they will be home, and who has Cameron with them.  When they are spending their own hard earned money I can't resist asking if they really have money for that or if they really need that.  My two older kids have tackled the subways of foreign cities and Cam navigates the NYC subway city on a daily basis, yet when the three of them head to Soho together I insist on them calling me once they reach their destination so that I will know they are not lost somewhere in Queens.  

  Between everyone's holiday "must" list we accomplished a lot.  Hunter wanted to go shopping in Chinatown for his Fayus shoes and teas (check), Jordan needed to go the dentist, get a flu shot, and exchange a game at Game Stop (check), and Cameron wanted to hang out with Jordan and Hunter and go see "Frozen" (check).   Jeff wanted to get through the holidays without getting caught up in a work IT emergency (check), and I wanted to stop time while we were all snuggled on the couch watching "The Waltons - A Homecoming" (fail). 

  Last February we adopted a dog from Bark Animal Shelter in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  When we lost our beloved Golden Retriever, Trooper three years ago we never imagined replacing him, but we truly believe that our little Oliver is blessed by Trooper to be our new dog.  Just having him in our apartment, making his walks in Central Park part of our daily routine, and hushing his barking at the noise in the general hallway makes our apartment feel like a full house.

  Life in New York City is so hard and so wonderful.  But when we are all together eating the same delicious Christmas feast that Jeff used to make in Evergreen we are a family without a city.  We are a family cherishing our history, our independence, and each other.


 


 

Me, Social Media, and New York City

  I will readily admit that I am slow to jump on any form of technology, including various forms of social media.  I joined Facebook back in-the-day and stopped at that.  My seventeen year old daughter, Cameron, informed me this summer that I am "old school" and "out of the loop" not being on Instagram and SnapChat, but at the same time she said that those social medias are not for moms.  I had her set me up with SnapChat, and I pressed a few buttons and much to my surprise I downloaded Instagram to my phone.  The part that I have not figured out is how any of the people that I follow or who are following me connected on these mediums.  I guess if I want my followers to grow I need to figure that out, but for now I'm just trying to figure out the nuances of those accounts.



M7 bus love for SnapChat

Cameron has informed me that I am doing SnapChat totally wrong.  I like to take a photo and send it to all the individuals that I want to follow me on SnapChat, but I also post it to My Story, because I like to create little daily vignettes of my life (particularly my daily life as I traverse the street of NYC).  She said that the people who I send individual photos to don't need to get them individually, but in fact can just look at My Story.  I would argue, how will they know I have added to My Story if I don't keep them updated?  Yesterday I thought I had a particularly visually interesting day combining photos and mini video so I was sitting on the coach replaying My Story for my own enjoyment.  Cameron came out of her room and saw what I was doing.  "Oh, my god, Mom, I can't believe you are watching your own story over and over."  I told her that I wanted to review the interesting images that I had captured.  She informed me that "NO ONE DOES THAT".  She said that SnapChat is supposed to be used like texting except with photos and short captions.  Hmmm..., well, then I would agree that I don't do that at all.  If I want to have a conversation I will text someone, or better yet, call them.  For me SnapChat is a way to communicate to my friends the funny little things and people that I come across as I go through my day walking to work, shopping during my lunch hours, commuting on the subway home, and just generally being in New York City. 

Instagram worthy pancakes

  So you might say that that is what Instagram is for, but I disagree.  For me Instagram is more artistic.  I don't want to just post any photo (that's for Facebook).  I want my Instagram account to reflect my artistic view of me and what I see in the city.  The trick with Instagram is that I don't know how to get people to follow me.  Actually, I was complaining about this to Cameron the other day and she said that I am supposed to be using hashtags (#'s) so that other people using the same hashtags will look at my pictures and if they like what they see they will follow me.  So now I'm having to think of catchy, yet common, tags for my pictures (i.e. #cafeamrita, #dayatLongBeach, #farmersmarket).  I can proudly say that a farmer's market in Montreal is now following me after I posted a picture of the Rockefeller Center farmers market near my office.

Stealth Snapchat shot

   The most challenging thing to do for any of these mediums is to get the candid photos that I want.  I like to do fashion "hits and misses", which can be tricky.  Besides being stealth my older Andriod phone does not take the clearest pictures so I really need to be close and still to get the shot.  Well, as you can imagine, standing two four feet away from someone and getting a still shot is rather obvious.  My friend, Charlene, said some day someone is going to beat me up. Last week I was with Cameron walking down 5th Avenue and I saw a girl who was my "fashion DO" of the day.  She was walking quite fast so I had to practically run after her.  Cam got a video of me stalking this girl. LOL!  I found humor in it, but I might need to consider being a little less obvious.

  My brother, Clinton, was recently visiting and I asked him to download SnapChat so that he could get a dose of NYC whenever he wanted it from my daily stories.  He looked at me quizzically then began to laugh.  He said, "Do you actually have followers on SnapChat?"  I told him I do.  He asked how many of them were over the age of 13.  Rude.  Yes, I will admit that my foundation is based on Cameron's friends, but my network is growing.  I write my blog for myself.  I have been keeping this form of a journal since we moved her in June of 2011.  There have been many entries that only have as many views as I can count close family members, but that does not dissuade me from writing.  So.... just like writing I like snapping photos of what I see in the city.  If my observations are better appreciated by the younger generation, then so be it.  It's all in fun and I hope no one is judging anyone on what they post an something as trivial as SnapChat or Instagram. 

  For now I am writing, and snapping, and posting all of the quirky little things that I see in my daily life. Read, view and respond, or don't, but for now I'm enjoying documenting my observations, chasing fashion Do's and Don't down the street, and posting it all online.  So what if I only have 39 Instagram followers, I'm just getting started!

Observations of a Subway Commuter

This morning as I was getting on the train with a group of  YMCA Summer Camp kid I felt a pang of annoyance at their loud voices and rush to take all the seats. But I reminded myself that no two days are ever the same on the subway and this was just another variation on my commute to work.

Now that New York City Schools have dismissed for the summer the morning dynamics on the train have changed.  During the school year I often got on the 8:00 a.m. B train and all the seats would be taken, but since I know that there are several elementary and middle schools near 86th Street I could stand next to the kids and get a seat just a few stops down the line from my station at 110th Street Cathedral Parkway.  Other than that most of the commuters are office workers heading down to get off the train with me at 48-50th Street Rockefeller Center or hotel staff heading down to 42nd Street Times Square. Most teenagers are not "morning people "so they would vie for a seat and sit in silence.  The elementary kids liked to stand and hold on to the pole, but tended to be very talkative.  When I told Cameron about my observations her only response was, "you're rude".  Hey, I didn't say that I hate kids, I was just saying that I like to sit and have some peace and quiet on my way to work in the morning.

The commute also takes a slightly less busy season from July 4th and runs through Labor Day.  This missing group is not a large number of commuters, because they tend to be people who "summer" on Long Island and aren't part of the daily grind in the first place as they are more apt to take a car service or taxi to work instead of the subway anyway, but I feel like they are worth noting. I miss their beautiful suits, sleek bags, and shiny shoes (I am talking about both men and women). They tend to take the morning trains and are less visible in the evenings. In the mornings I admire their expensive clothing and haircuts, and I wonder what their lives are like inside of their high-rise apartments or magnificent brownstones.  When they return in September they will be sun kissed and slim, and neither will have been gained from a long work day on the farm.

I don't know if the "manspread" is a new phenomenon or it's brought the problem to light by naming it.  It's when male passengers sit down and spread their legs out so wide that he easily takes up two seat.  Sometimes I think the guy is oblivious, but other times it's beyond obvious.  Black women tend to be the most verbal about the situation and will tell the guy to move over to make room for her to sit. I wish I had the nerve to say something.

Next group is the tourist. They tend to multiply in the summer. Within a few blocks of my apartment are two youth hostels and a few less expensive hotels that cater to European families.  In the mornings these groups are neatly dressed in shorts and t-shirts with a bright variety of footwear to comfortably carry them around the city as they see the sights from the Brooklyn Bridge to the Highline. One very frustrating thing that all tourist do is somehow swipe their metro cards incorrectly so that the turnstile does not read it.  Sometimes I can hear the train coming into the station and I'm stuck behind a family of five taking up all three turnstiles as they either swipe the card too quickly or too slowly and you see yourself getting downstairs just as the doors chime to a close in your face.

The "lovers" in the subway make me crazy.  And strangely they tend to be morning computers.  On Monday the couple was a Grizzly Adam look-a-like (which was a stand out in it's self) and a young studious looking Hispanic girl.  Strange combination and their constant tickling and kissing was a bit of a spectacle at 8:10 a.m. I made the mistake of sitting next to them and I could hear them kissing and cooing through my headphones.  Yesterday it was a couple that was obnoxious in how much room they were taking up.  He was practically laying down stretched across two seats and she was cuddled up next to him as they giggled and smooched their way into midtown.


My least favorite group is the group that is under the impression that the subway is a dining car.  IT IS NOT! The other day I was sitting on the train on my way home and I heard what sounded like a metal utensil scrapping a metal plate.  When I turned around I saw a Chinese woman feeding her sons soup.  Yes, soup.  They were not babies.  I think maybe one was five and the other seven.  After she fed them she then proceeded to finish of the soup by slurping the remains in the bowl.  I had to get a photo.  I knew no one would believe me otherwise. More often than not fried chicken or chicken and rice plates are brought onto the train, but this soup nonsense was a first.

Subways are freezing in the winter and sweltering in the summer.  You usually have to fight a crush of people getting on and off the train. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we are all in this together.  I make my observations and try to be sly as I take my "candid" shots to help illuminate my annoyance with a photo once I get home to vent to Cameron and Jeff.  But it's all part of living in a city of 8.4 million people. Vive la difference!