Christmas Should Not Need a Budget

  I read an article today "Keeping Christ in Christmas".  It touched on how some people are getting their nose out of joint when a cashier (for example) says "happy holidays" as opposed to "Merry Christmas". The writer suggested that instead of spending your time at a big box store worrying about how you are being greeted by store employees while you buy your big screen tv you should step outside of the consumerism and get back to living a more Christ like life. Easier said than done.  Consumerism and the poster boy Santa have become the forefront of our American Christmas. Separating the celebration of the birth of Christ and '"Christmas" in our media driven culture is almost an effort in fatalism.

  This year I have had an experience that I would not wish on anyone.  When Jeff and I moved to New York we completely mis-calculated some major expenses and I have not been able to find a full time job or even a a part-time job to supplement my current telecommuting job.  So we are having a hard time making ends meet and Christmas does not fit into the budget in any way.  STOP.  Re-read what I just wrote.  I said that Christmas does not fit into the budget.  How does celebrating the birth of Christ come with a price tag?  I am a Christian and yet the celebration of Christ is a side note in what has become Christmas in our family. So now we are in a position where Christmas as we know it is not coming this year.  I've mentioned in earlier blogs that I have had to leave stores as panic attacks rose in my chest as I watched others fill their baskets with holiday items that I used to take for granted and now I was there only able to buy essential toiletries. We have been forced to face the holiday re-evaluating how and what we are celebrating. Minimal gift warnings have been issued and now Jeff and I will see if the kids actually heard us or questioning faces will greet us in lieu of smiles on Christmas morning.

  We have started attending a Methodist Church in the neighborhood. The services and the sense of community have really filled a hole in our lives that has been exasperated by our lack of a commercial Christmas this year. Two weeks ago Cameron was in their Christmas pageant and last week they had their Christmas choral program. I had a miserable cold, so I did not sing and I felt a foggy distance from everything, but Jeff was belting out the hymns.  He even joined the adults and youth to carol at St. Joseph's Hospital later that afternoon. Jeff has willingly and even gladly gone to church over the years as a C&E Christian and for social events, but this is the first time that I have ever seen him actually urging the family to go to church and beyond.  Could it be that in the absence of Christmas Jeff has found Christ?

  To completely turn the page on my introspective attitude - I miss all of my stuff tucked away in a storage locker in Colorado.  I miss having my house in the mountains where every room was filled with Christmas decorations. The porch would be  decorated and the gutters sparkling with lighted icicle adorning the house. The tree would be dripping with 25 years of collected ornaments and by now the tree skirt would be covered with a growing collection of gifts. I miss not thinking about the cost of baking and buying all the goodies needed to whip up sweets for all the friends and neighbors on our list.  I miss purchasing and giving gifts.Of course none of that has to do with the literal meaning of Christmas, but I won't say that having things is not nice.
 
  We were forced to stop shopping this Christmas due to circumstance. We had no choice but to put Santa aside this year. And because of others reaching out to us we found a community where we could find the celebration of the birth of Jesus in Santa's place. Although I wish that I could say that I've seen the Light and that I would never be able to go back to a materialistic Christmas I can't.  Of course, if I had the opportunity I would hope that I would balance things more.  I can certainly see the hours and days that I have wasted at the mall in the past looking for junk to fill stockings with and I'd like to think that I wouldn't go back to that sort of over indulgence. I think the biggest changes I would try to make would be to live the mottos "less is more" and "giving is the greatest gift of all", but for now all that is academic.  For this year I just need to get through the next five days with the lump in my throat and pray that next year we can be on the giving end again.